Bereavement

Unfortunately, not every baby survives being born premature or sick

Content warning: This section deals with infant loss.

While grief is a normal part of the human experience, dealing with the death of a newborn is particularly distressing. Often people will experience different emotions, or ways of grieving this loss. For this reason, it can be a very isolating experience.

We have interviewed parents who have been on this journey and collated the information in this section to help others. We hope this information brings you strength.

Being told that your baby will not survive

In some cases, you might be told that your baby is not going to make it and you might even be given the choice of when, and in which environment, you wish to cease medical support. Making this decision is incredibly difficult for families and you may find yourself wondering ‘how am I going to cope?’.

It is important for you to take your time to come to terms with this. It’s also important to share your thoughts and feelings with someone, perhaps a close friend or relative, hospital staff or a specialist grief or loss professional.

Members of our team at LLTF have experienced a similar loss and are happy to discuss their experience and support you through this difficult time.

Hospitals and Bereavement

Every hospital will have different options to help you during this time. Some hospitals have rooms where you can stay the night with your baby so you can take your time to say goodbye. Although some families will wish to spend the night with their baby after they pass, others may not and will prefer to say goodbye in a private room, or in the nursery. Remember every family is different, and you must decide what is right for yours.

At many hospitals, they facilitate acknowledgment of the baby’s life through a variety of means including holding, touching, bathing, dressing, naming and blessing. A memory folder may be created, photographs and special mementos provided, such as clothing for the baby, hand-made quilts and teddy bears. Ask your health professionals what the options are for your family.

Making arrangements to say goodbye

The way you choose to honour your baby’s life and say goodbye is completely up to you. You may decide to say goodbye in the nursery, or want a small private ceremony or funeral for immediate family only. Alternatively, you may wish to invite friends and extended family to say their final farewells to your little treasure. There is no right or wrong way to say goodbye and the decision must be right for you and your family.

Brooke Hanson shares her experience when her baby Jack, passed away after a long stay in NICU.

Watch Brooke’s video here

What can help at this time?

Talk to people about your baby

Sharing stories of your baby may help you deal with your overwhelming emotions and this is often part of the grieving process. Friends and family may assume that talking about your baby might be difficult for you and avoid the topic so you might need to explain to them why remembering your baby through conversation is important to you. Insert video of Tanya and Roman – link or actual video?

Remember your baby in your own way

Families often choose a special way of remembering their baby. You may light a candle on the 1st day of each month, plant a tree or take balloons and flowers to the cemetery on their birthday. Whatever you choose, it will help you, and others, remember that your baby is part of your family forever.

“When Riley passed away, we chose to remember him by collecting foxes. All around our house are little foxes – ornaments, pictures and we have a beautiful soft toy fox too. When I see one of these items out of the corner of my eye, I remember him. He is with us always.” – Tanya, Mum to Riley, Asher and Jude.

Helping siblings understand

The loss of a baby due to early pregnancy loss, medically advised termination, stillbirth or newborn death is a traumatic event for all family members. Explaining the death of a sibling to children can be daunting for parents dealing with their own grief. It’s common for parents to feel unsure about how to approach the topic . To address this need, we developed My Brave Journey – an interactive, guided colouring – in book for children aged 2 – 10 years. We recommend parents and children can work through the book together at a pace that feels right for them. Download a digital copy here or order a hard copy from our shop

LLTF Shop

Tips for supporting children when their baby sibling dies in the Neonatal Unit

As you navigate your own grief, it’s crucial you also support your other children through this difficult time, acknowledging and addressing their emotions with compassion and understanding.

Please click on the following link for some helpful tips to support siblings during this challenging time.